I've always been a rebel.
I've revolted. Sometimes to the point of cutting off my nose to spite my face sort of thing.

I've also been a pleaser, putting others needs above my own.

On the one hand there is obedience:

Saying " YES " , doing as I'm told. On the other hand there is saying " NO " and rebellion, sometimes out of spite.

I've had to do this in my fight for independence, but it is no longer serving me.

Rebellion and Obedience are conficting qualities in me.

So.. I think to myself ..." what is the synthesis of these opposites? "

Can't think

Oh well .. FEEL !!

I close my eyes and go within and then the answer comes .... FREEDOM ..Freedom to be who I am in all sorts of situations, with an open heart. Accepted and approved of by my Self and noone else .

And so it is ... for now :-)

I had the recurring dream again - getting married to a man I barely Know. *shivers *,

We are all at the church during dress rehersal.
I think ..." hang on .. I barely know this man ... I can't go through with it "
At the enterance to the church , I see another bride waiting.
" come on in " I say. " There's nothing happening here "
Then I watch as the young couple happily skip down the aisle to be married.
She is wearing a fairy - like dress in layers of different shades of green and he is also in medieval costume .. renaissance period , I think.
" Now THAT is how it should be " I think to myself and feel happy for them.