My friend Barb in Chicago keeps sending me these 
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours
and Shithead's.
I live in my own little world but it's OK,
everyone knows me here.
I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same
effect just by standing up really fast.
A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog,get one flea.'
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make
Bloody Marys.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can΄hear Mom's wise words: 'Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been!
