Yesterday a friend of mine got upset when a gift was returned.
" That's so rude !" she said and many agreed with her.
Now this friend is a kind and generous soul who gives freely with good intentions. I don't like to see my friends upset but on the other hand I couldn't help feeling that it was a lot of fuss about nothing."What's the big deal? "
" don't take it personally " was my advice, knowing that it is easy to say but more difficult to put into practice.
It got me thinking and reflecting about good manners, being polite and courteous and why we do it .
What are good manners ?
Why do we have them ?
What are bad manners?
How do I react when someone is being ill mannered, in my opinion ? We all have our own opnions.
Everyone will have their own opinion of what is good manners and what isn't.
So what happens when you get it wrong ?
There are cultural differences too. Burping after a meal, I'm told ( are they having me on ? ) is considered good manners in some countries as a sign of appreciation for a good meal 
Burp in front of the vicar and you will be in disgrace.
I used to get so upset here in Sweden when noone said " excuse me " or " sorry " if they bumped into you or brushed passed. It wasn'tr done in the way I was used to in England . Mind you , things might have changed a bit now, but Swedes still remark how polite the English are BECAUSE they say " sprry " or " excuse me " and " please " and " thank you ".
Surely practising good manners is a way of making comfortable and as pleasant as possible while in relationship with others. Still it is not easy to get it right as the rules keep changing and opinions vary.
I remember on Christmas when my sisters and I clubbed together to but a gift for my mother - something we thought she would like and waited to see her reaction whic was very blunt to say the least
" Oh WHY Have you spent all this on me ?? I DON*T WANT IT ! "
I remember at the time I felt hurt and started to cry and through my tears started to say something on the lines of well we all really tried and wanted to give you something special because we love you and it hurts to have it thrown back like this "
On remembering this , I still feel sad and tearful, when "love" or " giving " is seemingly rejected.
I would like to think that I practice unconditional giving - giving without conditions attached - but in this case , what I am actually saying deep down is
" you'd better like and appreciate this gift and show your appreciation even if you DON'T like it or else I shall be very upset and will cry"
That is also manipulative , isn't it ?
Hmmmmm will stop there